KABBALAH Michael Laitman -Human Development

KABBALAH Michael Laitman

Eli Vinokur: Today we are going to talk about human development, particularly, the stages of child development. We will also hear what the wisdom of Kabbalah has to say on the topic. So without further ado, let us begin.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: When I encountered materials from the wisdom of Kabbalah, I was surprised that there is something very coherent about the method. It is as if it is built on foundations or concepts that are continually developing, yet without contradicting each other, they coincide. It is like a single, uniform method.

So if I may ask,How is it that there is a single method, while we have at least eighteen psychological approaches to explain the same thing?

Michael Laitman: The thing is that in our entire approach in this world, even in science, we are researching a world that we are not familiar with. I’m talking about those who want to research truthfully, being honest with themselves and with others, without any calculations such as wanting to make a name for themselves or to be known as discoverers. I’m talking about genuine research, one that is determined by the researcher’s nature and perception, by groups, times, and location of examination. The problem is that this is constantly subject to change.

In the wisdom of Kabbalah, however, we come from a basis that is general for all—the basis of nature, the desire for pleasure, the desire for self-fulfillment. We speak only about that foundation, and always start from that point when we research, so we don’t have a problem.

This is how I examine: First, the will to receive was created, which begins to evolve through the levels of the still, creating the inanimate matter, and then the vegetative. At the vegetative level, the will to receive already wishes to develop and as a result plants emerge from the still. Then comes the animate, which is already not just growing, it is also moving, and has other ways of reproducing. And finally, there is man. This is what we see in evolution.

I build all that atop the ego, atop the desire for pleasure that exists in every creature and develops from generation to generation. In other words, the first element that I establish in my mind is the desire to receive, according to the level of development that I am researching. I don’t accept these things as a given, but because it gives me a uniform basis, it is very helpful to me in avoiding confusions.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Does that mean that it is not only a method to explain the development of an individual, but the development of the whole of nature, too?

Michael Laitman: Yes, of course, from the beginning.

Eli Vinokur: While we were talking before the show, Limor was explaining that there are numerous schools in psychology, which divide the human development into different kinds of development.

Michael Laitman: When we look at that development, we see that everything evolves up to a certain point. Today, we are in an unprecedented, unique stage. Up until now, it was a relatively linear development of the desire for pleasure, what we call “the will to receive,” the ego. It continually pushed us to develop, conquer, discover the world, and establish all kinds of human societies.

But today we are in a unique situation. It can be sensed more distinctly in children than in adults because adults still have their “load” from the previous century, they are still carrying their dreams. But children don’t have those illusions anymore; they have a very different approach to life, fundamentally different to what previously existed.

Five hundred or a thousand years ago, if the father was a farmer, the son would be a farmer; if the father was a tinsmith, the son would be a tinsmith.

Everything was known to a youth. He knew he would marry the neighbor’s daughter, and that his house and land would be here. Today, such things don’t exist anymore. The generations are completely disconnected. Parents don’t know what their children think or want; they cannot comprehend their approach and perception of life.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: It also leads to a great deal of intolerance. I encounter intolerant children at an extremely young age, intolerant toward school as well.

Michael Laitman: Yes, toward everything because their ego has grown so much, they can’t satisfy it anymore. It is already on a higher dimension: this world does not satisfy them, but they don’t know where to find satisfaction. Children are in a situation where they cannot find anything to be worthwhile.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: It is perceived by the parents as a bad generation, unruly, lazy, intolerant toward work.

Michael Laitman: But what if a child gave his parents a truly honest answer, what would he say? “What do you want me to be? To be a doctor, an architect, a lawyer, an accountant?” They see it as empty from the outset. Worse than empty, as a prison: a life where you work from dawn to dusk, ten, twelve hours a day. And perhaps you’re paid well and you’re covered materialistically, but it is pointless, tasteless.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: They are saying, “I don’t want to work so hard and then have no free time. I want the free time right now. I don’t want to exert myself.”

Eli Vinokur: Is this is a more developed generation, a generation that wants everything right now, this instant? It’s as if the previous generation was more developed. We wanted to achieve something, we had aspirations. Here it seems the opposite—no aspirations, no desire, just freedom now. It doesn’t seem more developed.

Michael Laitman: It is above our desires, above our aspirations; youth today find them empty. Everything that evolves, always evolves upwards. But now they are truly searching, “So now what?” And here we are in a very precarious situation. I see teachers, educators, and children alike being – truly helpless, they don’t know how to resolve the problem.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: I don’t see a single system that is content. And within the system, the children aren’t content, the teachers aren’t content, the principals aren’t content, and the professionals are unsuccessful.

Michael Laitman: And there seems to be no method.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Right.

Michael Laitman: In other words, in the past we were searching for a method; now we’ve come to a situation where all we want is to put out the fire, to calm it down a bit. Ritalin is our only weapon, and this is really a very big problem.

Here we are going to need the power of the real Torah, as it is written, “I have created the evil inclination, I have created Torah as a spice,” since we will find no fulfillment for any of our desires. We are a generation that is truly lost.

Perhaps you still don’t see it, but the time is coming when people won’t be able to satisfy themselves in any way or anything. People’s desire for drugs or for such recreation as going to the beach will be gone. They will suddenly feel all those as empty. And then there will be such a cry, horrific distress.

And then we will reach the truly good situation: people will discover the wisdom of Kabbalah. That is, they will discover that there is a higher force in nature. There is such a force in nature, which we can evoke only if we come together. And here we arrive at a solution that is on the one hand very close to us, and on the other hand, even closer to children.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So this is an issue of development. Can I ask about development?

Michael Laitman: Yes.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: If there is one method, then perhaps there is also an explanation on what impacts our development more – our social environment or our genes?

Michael Laitman: No, there is no one, single answer, and there can’t be a single answer because it depends on correlation, on the extent to which the interior, meaning what one is born with, and the surroundings are harmonious.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: You mean the tendencies?

Michael Laitman: One’s natural tendencies, call them instincts, along with what is acquired at home during infancy, prior to entering society, say until the age of three or four. In other words, everything one is taught when he was born. All those are considered one’s “internality.” Beyond that, it is the surroundings.

If we arrange the environment properly, all of those inner traits can be directed in the right direction, and a person will use them correctly, even if he or she was not brought up so well or has less than favorable heredity.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Today, I encounter a lot of frustration among parents. They don’t know what to do.

Michael Laitman: The system, the educational system, should start with them, at least during the time period before they become parents.

Eli Vinokur: What should such a couple be taught? What do they need to acquire?

Michael Laitman: Everything we just discussed—the human desire, which is the ego, how it evolves, why we end up with frustrations and emptiness in our lives, why it is particularly so in our generation, and the difference between the aspirations of the young generation compared to the previous generation.

When they become parents, it is a radical change. It is a huge psychological shift between the pre-parental period and the parental period. We become conservative. We want to enclose the baby just like animals in nature. We decline from the human degree to the animate degree. We treat our child the way animals do to protect them. This is all right; it should be so. Nature evokes that protective animal force in all of us.

However, here we need to make parents aware of what is growing in their hands, the future of their baby. It is not even about who he or she will become, but what they will become. Parents need to know that this future human being will demand something completely different. Here we need to elevate the parents from the animate degree of being two parents of a child, to the level of a human being, so they will be on a par with the level of the child, who will demand of them the proper development. If they wish to establish their child in the new world and allow him to realize all his tendencies, they must actually transcend themselves.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: I’m detecting a message in what you’re saying, that it’s not their fault.

Michael Laitman: Our whole society is like that.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Parents feel very guilty these days. There are numerous television shows, for example, about how to be better parents, as if the problems are because of them, as if there is some method or as if they are not good parents and need to be taught how to be better parents, because there are problems constantly.

Michael Laitman: Right, but where will they learn? There is nowhere. The problem is not a system. We need to provide the right explanation, a clear method. First, we should prepare the material, and then build a system that will convey the information to the parents. Here the media should be very much involved, or we will lose the campaign.

Eli Vinokur: If I am an aspiring parent or am already one, how would you recommend that I connect to this process? What do you recommend that I learn or read?

Michael Laitman: According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, we are in such a generation that we will simply have to study it.

Eli Vinokur: Study Kabbalah?

Michael Laitman: Not the wisdom itself. You, for example, studied psychology, but you don’t teach everything you learned to parents. You only need to give them clear, practical advice that an ordinary parent can put into use. In much the same way, I’ve been engaged with Kabbalah for 35 years now, but it isn’t necessary to convey all that to each person. Small, easily transmitted and concise pieces of advice are all that’s needed, so everyone will know the nature of human beings. Kabbalah explains only about nature, nothing else.

We need to explain the nature of people, how it evolves, and the degree that we reach, as we just discussed. We must know what is unique about our generation, and what a dramatic inner shift our generation is going through.

We are the first of all the generations that must rise to the degree of bonding among people instead of exploiting people. Nature is demanding that of us by showing us that we are all globally connected in an integral bond, and through the global crisis. It is a crisis in our relationships: we are unable to build a uniform society and by consequence, we cannot relate properly to ecology, to ourselves, or to the human society. All of these things should be conjoined into a single picture, and then it will be clear to parents.

Actually, here we can reach the parents because it is very difficult for us to reach governments and all kinds of organizations because they are not interested in hearing. But with parents, who are actually hurting over it, here we have someone to reach, someone who’ll listen. Their motivation is to see their child succeed, accomplished, happy, and secure. So if we explain to them that this is what they need to do, I think we will succeed. And in this way, through the children we will also educate the parents.

Eli Vinokur: The topic we gathered to discuss is the development of the individual. Can you describe in general terms the stages of a person’s development from the moment of conception? I’m asking because I know that in Kabbalah there is a clear division of stages according to the age.

Michael Laitman: Yes, but that is not what is most important. I think that psychology can also agree that much depends on the parents’ attitude toward life, even before they approach having children. In the wisdom of Kabbalah, we say that it all depends on the intention, on the extent to which the intentions are correct. I think there is a similar study about wanted and unwanted children, and the parents’ attitude toward them.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: There is a theory that the fetus senses the atmosphere in the family, and it knows, as if somehow perceives it.

Michael Laitman: Because it is one system.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: What does that mean, “one system?”

Michael Laitman: The fetus’ perception is through the mother. The mother doesn’t control her senses or her sensors. What she perceives passes through him. It is a single mechanism, at least with the mother. We are not aware that it has everything; we think “it hasn’t developed yet, there is nothing there but a drop of semen or a few grams of flesh.” This is not true. There are entire systems there already, and only the flesh is missing in order for us to relate to it, but the child itself already exists.

Eli Vinokur: Could you expand on the importance of intention?

Michael Laitman: Throughout the history of humanity, we see that people have been paying growing attention to the relationship between them. In the past, to marry, a girl would be brought to a guy, they would marry and that was that.

But now human nature demands emotion, connection, something more internal, a kind of bonding, and people cannot give that up. We can no longer stay with a woman just because of some mercantile calculation, money, or other interests such as the relationship among family members. I have to have a deeper connection here, more human, more of the woman bonding with me and I with her.

So I think this interaction is actually very important. We have yet to discover how important it is, when we truly bond. I think that the stage in history where people get together the way animals do is already over. Soon, people will consciously search whether they can be together because of the soul.

Eli Vinokur: And what will the child be?

Michael Laitman: The child will be the result of the correct bond—the emotional and not the physical. The physical connection, too, comprises a huge complex of things. Even animals choose their mates and don’t mate with just any other animal. There is a lot to it, but again, with us, there is an additional requirement after all, beyond genetics, where we sense one another subconsciously, the way animals do.

Eli Vinokur: You mean something higher?

Michael Laitman: I think so, something higher. This is why we need to explain. And not just to couples, but even before. This is the education we should receive at school.

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KABBALAH Michael Laitman-Fear-Types Of Fear

KABBALAH Michael Laitman

Adva Bar-Yehuda: This time I would like to start with a topic that interests many parents, a child’s fear of the dark. A child enters a room and says, “I am afraid” and wants his mommy. How did he learn to be afraid of the dark?

Michael Laitman: Aren’t you afraid?

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Not like my son.

Michael Laitman: There’s no such thing, everyone is afraid of the dark, it depends on the type of darkness. As we discussed on the previous program, fear is the actual foundation of our traits. It is a trait that we shouldn’t eliminate, but rise above it. Fear evolves from fear of this world to fear of the next world, fear that relates to Divinity, that we are not realizing ourselves. So fear of the dark is the most fundamental of all fears, the very first one.

Eli Vinokur: Why is it the most basic fear of all? What is it about the dark that makes it so?

Michael Laitman: Darkness is creation itself.

Eli Vinokur: Creation is darkness?

Michael Laitman: Creation is darkness, yes, “Forming Light and creating darkness.” What is creation? Beria (creation) comes from the word Bar (outside), meaning outside of the Creator, and this is what we are afraid of. Meaning, subconsciously, we are afraid of being outside, like a child is afraid of being far from his mother. So fear of the dark is actually fear of spiritual darkness, a lack of the Light, the absence of the Creator, my origin. And I can complement it only by developing the feeling, awareness, understanding, and His revelation from within the darkness.

We should understand that the fear of darkness is essential, necessary, and we should not wipe it out because if we did, we would not want to emerge from it and advance toward the Light. That darkness, as Kabbalah describes it, is the “posterior side” of the Light. It is “help made against him,” where it helps by seemingly being against. In that way, it pushes us toward the Light.

Therefore, using the darkness correctly and turning one type of darkness into a second, third, and fourth type of darkness means that through these types I can rise in degree. That way, I gradually view darkness not as lack of corporeal benefits such as money or honor or even knowledge, but as a lack of higher observations, spiritual ones. In other words, darkness is the processing of something, so I welcome the darkness, but darkness from lack of higher things.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Given this explanation, if a child is afraid of the dark, what guidelines can we offer the parents?

Michael Laitman: First, we can say that darkness is something good, it is good the child is afraid. Imagine a small child leaving the house at night and going for a walk without caring about anything, clearly, it is better for him to be wary, isn’t it? In other words, there is no such thing as something bad, it depends on how we use it. If he is afraid of the dark, it is good.

Now, how can we work with his fear of the dark so he will want to advance correctly? We must guide him according to his age, to explain to him that there is nothing in the darkness. However, that may not help either because we, too, are afraid of the dark. If I am in a dark and unfamiliar place, it’s very frightening. This is clear to everyone and no one can feels comfortable in a situation like that. However, we are not afraid because we understand the situation and we are in familiar territory. When I get out of bed at night, I know where to go with my eyes, shut, right? And then I am not afraid to be in the dark and don’t even switch on the light, right?

In other words, it isn’t the darkness, it is fear of the unknown. This is the problem. So make him know the unknown. He needs to know what is behind the darkness, that the darkness is there only to push him forward so he will truly know what exists, and then the darkness won’t seem dark. As I just said, when I get up at night, I don’t even switch on the light because the darkness doesn’t bother me, since I know, and the knowledge takes the place of the darkness. Time and time again, we need to switch on the light and explain, only through explanations.

Eli Vinokur: Perhaps he should just sleep with the light on?

Michael Laitman: Perhaps, it doesn’t hurt.

What we should not do is put a child in a position of facing his fears. Either we complement it for him with knowledge or we help him in some other way, but we do not leave him facing his fear alone. It is wrong to leave him there with no solution.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: I would like to shift from fear to lack of success. I can understand adults’ fear of failing, but when a three-year old child begins to show signs of fear of not succeeding, how can that be explained?

Michael Laitman: Lack of social support begins at the age of three. Until that age, they have no sense of society at all.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: So the sense of lack of support begins?

Michael Laitman: Yes, perhaps in our days it is two or two and a half years old, I don’t know, but the age of three is how it was in previous generations. Before that they don’t know what a society is, they don’t sense it. From three onwards they begin to discern things like “I’m friends with this one,” “I play with that one,” and “That one plays with this one,” “We are together, or we are not.” He begins to develop a sense of society. That is why all the fears from three years on can be resolved through society, we only need to know how to do it. Even in regard to darkness, friends can enter the room before him, or better yet, they can enter together, before all the scrutinies, before switching on the light, before everything. Let them enter a dark room together, start walking around there, going wild, jumping, even breaking a few things, whatever. It’ll break their fear of the dark.

Eli Vinokur: Ok. Now, how do we help a child overcome the fear of constantly comparing himself to others, what people will say about me, what the friends at kindergarten will say, what my mother will say, what my father will say, what everyone will say?

Michael Laitman: No, it’s not at those ages, certainly not at the age of three. Now you’re talking about competing to be the leader and this begins around the age of say seven or eight or nine.

Here there needs to be work in their society. We need to understand that a person is part of the society; he cannot be taken out and treated separately. Actually, this is the source of all our failures with children: We take a child to a therapist for twenty sessions, pay and say goodbye. Regrettably, we don’t see that it is actually treating.

In fact, it is more of a treatment for the parents than for the children. It makes the children calmer, and the parents think, “Well, we gave the child everything possible; we clarified the problem through the sessions with the therapist.” But the child’s situation hasn’t changed. It is still as it was because we don’t understand that for them, society is everything. Fears, anxieties, success, failure, pretending to succeed where he is actually not, acting against all them, all of that depends on society. So can you treat the child separately, without the entire class?

Adva Bar-Yehuda: So it should be group work?

Michael Laitman: Have a psychologist assigned to each class, that is my solution. Very simple, a therapist per class. He will get to know them, understand them, study them, know their parents, mingle with them, play with them, and argue with them. He will get hit, hit back, exactly like them. They must accept him. He has to be one of them. Otherwise it won’t work. Otherwise, he’s not a psychologist.

He must be their friend. They mustn’t feel him as superior. This is how he should work with them, being like them while still knowing how to influence each one specifically through them.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Can the parent be like that too?

Michael Laitman: No, it has to be an expert, a professional. It is group psychology for classes, schools. And not even for all the classes or all the schools; it depends on the culture and the customs. But without this kind of work we will not find we’re bringing up the next generation properly, that we are giving them a good life.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: A few months ago, a story was published about an 11 year old boy who actually fabricated his own kidnapping from A to Z, arriving home all wet and beat up, and it turned out that he did it all to avoid an exam he was terrified of. How can we explain what happened to him?

Michael Laitman: It is probably much easier to take the exam than to go through all those manipulations, tribulations and problems. The problem is that we are not guiding them how to relate to life’s occurrences properly. We’re not helping them give the right proportions to life’s events. “So you lost, well, what if you did?” “You lost, so you are not the best.” “So people think badly of you.” “Perhaps you even stole something. Okay, so what?” Some people pay a fine for it, others go to jail, but that is still not the end of the world. It can happen to anyone. Let’s put a million dollars in front of someone, a billion in front of someone else, and one hundred in front of another, and let’s see. Everyone one has a limit, and beyond that limit he would steal for sure.

Explain these things to him and relate. People don’t know about their nature. They looks at themselves as if something happened with them that is not happening with others. They don’t understand that they one of many, and they all have the same thing. They don’t understand how other people behave. They think that the people they respect are angels from Heaven.

The same thing happens to us later in adolescence with boys and girls. They aren’t familiar with the behavior of the other sex, so they have all kinds of problems with that. Each one plays a kind of game that distorts the opposite sex and evokes them into incorrect behavior.

In short, Each class must have its own psychologist assigned to it. Until that happens, and these psychologists become experts in knowing what we need to create with those children, what it takes to build a human being out of each of them, we won’t succeed at all. I think that this is far more important than their studies and all those exams.

Eli Vinokur: And what is the next stage? Do we say, “It’s not that terrible?” But it is. It needs to be treated. Or is it ok and that’s it?

Michael Laitman: It’s okay.

Eli Vinokur: It’s okay?

Michael Laitman: There is no punishment, the way he understands it. You don’t punish him, you explain to him: “You behaved according to your nature. Let’s see together why you were born with those things, and do others have it, too. Let’s see what nature wants of us and how we should handle it.

In other words, if we have such traits, those traits must be there for a purpose. They must be leading us somewhere. There is no bad in a person, so perhaps if I overcome them, I would get to something good. Let’s see what reward will I have by not stealing, or what reward will I have by not hitting others, what reward will I have by bonding with others. Let’s see why I have been made in this particular way, with all my bad qualities, which I constantly have to overcome. What I will gain by it? We need to explain it, as well as provide social support.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: What do I gain from overcoming?

Michael Laitman: We grownups don’t beat each other up or curse just like that because we understand that this is a more pleasant way to live. This way, at least I know that we are more or less interested in building a pleasant society for ourselves, as much as possible. If we bring our children up correctly, they will build a much better society for themselves.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: There is a certain trend to not bring the concept of fear into the family. People think that by that, the children’s fears will completely disappear. Is there any sense in that, or is that not a good thing to do?

Michael Laitman: According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, that whole approach is incorrect. It is wrong to pool a child one way or another. First, we need to build the proper system. Older ones need to know how to work with the young ones. And not just with the young ones, but with groups of younger ones.

Our world is integral, global, a small village. There is a reason why we are all connected with each other. We need to relate to the child individually, but to the whole group, to the class, to his surroundings. We need to give them general treatment, and general means jointly.

So why make things disappear?

Let’s hold a kind of trial at the end of each day. Every day we will have other judges. In a six-day week, let’s say that out of a group of thirty children, we take five kids as the judges each day, and they report to us whatever happened during the day at class. The last lesson in the day will be a trial, and those five children will now judge the others. Let’s see what they saw, how they will speak, why thing happen, etc, how they summarize the day, and everyone will hear and will be able to agree or disagree.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: What do we gain from that?

Michael Laitman: First of all, we gain critical thinking, examination, scrutiny. And the educator among them, the assigned psychologist, helps them, directing them to view it properly. And at the end of each such session, they write their own book of laws, in class, regulations, a constitution, and afterwards we behave accordingly. By that, a child begins to see how he is building himself and building society. When they grow, they will want to build a lawful society, a good society.

Eli Vinokur: Can this be implemented in a smaller group, perhaps even in the family, where at the end of the day, we summarize the day with the children?

Michael Laitman: This is something even a family can do with several children, yes.

Eli Vinokur: So each day, we decide on the rules for tomorrow.

Michael Laitman: Yes, but the parents have to come down to the level of the children.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: What does that mean? Do I participate as well?

Michael Laitman: Of course you do, like a little girl, like your own daughter, and so does your husband.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: And the parents might break the rules, too?

Michael Laitman: At the children’s level, that is the format, and we all participate.

Eli Vinokur: Do we talk to them at their level or as if they were adults?

Michael Laitman: No, at their level, so it is clear to all.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Can everyone make mistakes and be afraid?

Michael Laitman: Yes. Let’s say that my mom tells me that today I couldn’t hold myself back and I ate a cookie when I wasn’t supposed to, so now I feel bad. What should I do? How do I get rid of this feeling? Can you recommend something?

It is not a game, there is great depth in that: how one copes, and if he doesn’t, whether he should eat his heart out or not, and how he can calm himself down and still be strong the next day. There truly is a great lesson here.

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KABBALAH Michael Laitman-fear & anxiety-fear of source

KABBALAH Michael Laitman

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Generally speaking, every individual has fears. With some, fears even become anxieties and phobias. My question is, “What is the root of the problem? Why are we in constant fear of something?”

Michael Laitman: It safeguards us, preventing us from taking whimsical actions that could harm us. It helps us safeguard our lives, our existence. We also say that to children, “Be careful,” “Look out,” “Don’t go there,” “Be a good boy so others won’t harm you,” “That boy is a bad boy, stay away from him,” etc. We constantly teach our children to be wary.

We also see that in animals. Let’s say, a lioness takes her cubs for a walk to teach them how to survive in their habitat. First, she teaches them about the dangers, and then how to obtain food. While they are young, she gets them their food; she only teaches them how to be careful: to fear the right things and not to fear familiar things.

So I think that fear is fundamental in man. It has a very high Upper root. Even our first commandment in correcting ourselves is called “fear.” The Zohar divides that fear into several fears: Fear of being harmed in this world, fear that my relatives or I might suffer, whether in health, finances, or what have you, but this is the source of these mundane fears.

Later, a person in this world begins to fear the next world, what will happen afterwards. After all, it is certain that I will pass away from here, perhaps to something else. If so, what will happen over there? Meaning, I am already afraid of what happen there, if there is “a there.”

After that, there is fear called “Divine fear,” fear that God may harm me. And there is also the fear of Hell or of punishment in the next world. These fears have to do with orthodox people, regardless of religion or belief system; it is common to all.

Then there is fear to those who desire to attain, like those studying Kabbalah, who wish to attain the Creator, to reveal Him, to please the Creator, or to attain adhesion with Him. This is altogether a different fear. It is a fear of whether or not I will achieve it, whether I can succeed at that. Meaning, it is not a fear of lacking something, but fear whether or not I can be good to Him. That is already a different fear, outside of me.

Each fear that I mentioned divides into many more subdivisions. I was once interested in homeopathy, and I think it specifies 700 types of phobias, fears, and anxieties. And perhaps we could count even more. But all of those things stem from our nature.

Because we are made of the desire for pleasure, which in Kabbalah is called “will to receive,” our desire for pleasure is constantly fearful, “Will I enjoy? Will I have everything I want, at least partially somehow, will I not suffer?” In other words, since our makeup is sensitive matter—we sense ourselves, sense our reality—I always have a fear of feeling bad.

In other words, fear is a fundamental feeling, and atop it, all our other actions exist. Thus, our dreams, hopes, actions, everything stems from fear.

Fear is really the most fundamental trait of all living beings. Man’s development also stems from fear. If we were not afraid, we would be indifferent. After all what do we need in life? I wouldn’t bother going out in the morning to make a living, and I wouldn’t invent new technologies. It is all motivated by fear.

And the more our egos grow from generation to generation, the more fearful of being dissatisfied we become. Thus, from generation to generation, we become more fearful.

The human society has become so expansive and global that we are tied by thousands of connections, which are actually sources of fear to me. In the past, we didn’t think of such things. We lived in villages, and probably spent our whole lives not leaving the village even once. And the whole village was relatives. Everything was familiar.

Today there are so many sources of concern, reasons for fear, things that affect me, that I’m truly in great fear. And the media, too, particularly today, when everyone is trying to profit by drawing public attention, they create such movies that it’s truly horrifying to see what they are offering to the public.

It turns out that we are living in a terrified society, in a generation that is right to be anxious. There are so many unknown and uncontrollable elements, which depend on thousands of unknown causes, that we have lost control, as in the last crises in ecology or even in economy. This can truly cause people anxiety.

Fifty years ago we weren’t so afraid for our future. We thought we would progress and things would get better. And now, all of a sudden, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And we certainly do not know if things will be good for our children. It is no longer a phobia; we are already seeing that the world is declining. We are already facing a very real fear that we are heading toward bad things.

It is no longer fear things might not be good; we know they won’t be good. It is no longer a phobia, as if we’re dealing with an imaginary fear. Today there are very real, clearly defined sources of fear that are part of our lives. It is not a phantom, but a reality we must face, so what should we do? These fears are so real and so tightly connected to our lives that we must learn to deal with them.

So a question arises, “What am I going to do? Should I take drugs to sedate the fear? Should I run to the other end of the world? People truly are in great distress.

Eli Vinokur: It is very clear with adults. Now I am asking, why are children afraid?

Michael Laitman: If we are talking in terms of time, then ten minutes ago that child was an old person who died. What is a child? It is a reincarnation. We carry the same phobias, the same problems from one lifetime to the next. We don’t correct the soul, and it returns even more corrupt than before. Today, our perception of the world and of life is even worse than before, because it is a new generation, and the soul gets another, very different clothing from before, for the worse.

Because this clothing is according to the soul, it must be more corrupt, as well. It is more sensitive, more capable of spiritual matters, but on the other hand it is weaker, more vulnerable, and with less capability of coping. This is why we see the young generation’s escapism. They develop for themselves all sorts of false shells. They do not want to be connected to food, money, industry; they escape to more virtual things.

It is with good reason that we have developed the Internet. The young generation developed such artificial surroundings for themselves, so they could live there. They not only communicate through the Internet, they “enter” it. And it is all a result of fears and anxieties that would otherwise simply take them over.

Eli Vinokur: Is there some type of regularity coherent evolution to this process?

Michael Laitman: I would say it is a combination of two things. When a person is born, it is like a seed, containing all the information about growing a human being. Of course there are basic things that we will not be able to change, whose development is predetermined. However, the extent to which these things will develop, and how they will interconnect depends a great deal upon that person’s social environment.

In other words, there is a solid inbuilt structure, which is distinct and preexisting in a person, like a casting out of a mold. And yet, how each trait will develop, and the connections between the traits, those depend on the society, the environment. Therefore, if we could set up the right social environment for people, I don’t think that we would see anyone with problems such as the phobias that exist today. I think that proper education could dissipate them all.

Eli Vinokur: And what is the correct education?

Michael Laitman: It is an environment that provides a sense of confidence, a sense of mutual guarantee. This is all it takes. People are such social beings, that is, we are so dependent upon society that it is not a problem for society to complement for all our needs wherever we feel scarcity and fear.

Even with fears such as claustrophobia, fear of heights, which seem to have no connection to the social element, the society can give such an array of examples that people will acquire the society’s attitude to these matters and will stop being afraid.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: What can I tell parents to make them understand the essence of that distress, to make them see its origin?

Michael Laitman: You’re a social worker, right?

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Right.

Michael Laitman: Is there an organization of social workers?

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Yes, there is.

Michael Laitman: So you should give lessons on TV, like us. A TV channel costs about a million shekels a year, not that much. Besides, your organization can get a discount from the government, start a TV channel, like us, develop your broadcasts, and teach the parents. Make it appealing and fun enough and teach them how to teach the children.

But people don’t really care enough, I’m not hearing anything but fancy words. Why can’t those organizations do anything? I always ask myself, “Why do we need to watch all kinds of atrocities on TV?” Ok, there is the Knesset [Israeli parliament] channel. Is that more important than a channel that teaches how to be good parents? I don’t think so, but there is no such thing. Teachers, psychologists, lawyers, every union and every society can do something like that, and then we won’t turn to all kinds of other directions.

If a father is hurting because his son is in distress, and he knows that there is a channel where he may find answers, he will certainly watch it, no doubt. That channel should have explanations on how to help children with phobias or what to do with all sorts of habits, antisocial behavior etc. Why aren’t there any? Because you are not doing it.

Eli Vinokur: What should the right approach be in explaining to a child who is afraid?

Michael Laitman: An ordinary parent cannot do it. Instead, we need to set up the right environment for children. I would admit three year olds, though it’s still young, but I would have them join a sports team or something, where by force, coupled with the support of his friends, he will absorb confidence from them. So group games are good, but not when they start fighting with each other.

Eli Vinokur: I once heard you say on this topic that the ego should not be rewarded at any stage during a competition. Rather, it should be…

Michael Laitman: Yes, collective.

Eli Vinokur: Collective all the time.

Michael Laitman: Yes, because this is how he acquires a sense of confidence from them, a sense of support, and this is very important.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Some children tend be more afraid of people than other children. Why is that?

Michael Laitman: Well, for sure there is a genetic reason that they are more sensitive. Fears, as we said, are at the basis of creation, in our will to receive, our desire for pleasure. It is our entire substance.

It stems from the sensitivity of the substance. The more sensitive the substance, the more fearful the child will be. People who as adults become great scientists, writers, musicians, artists, always have slight perversions in their childhood. It is well-known in psychology. We need to understand that it accompanies us all the time, because if our matter is sensitive to how it senses reality, it will always come accompanied by fear of what one will sense.

Again, we should respect the fear. Without it we would ruin ourselves instantaneously. In others words, all we need is to know how to work with it. There are no bad fears, no fears we need to cancel. There are also no fears we need to make latent. We do it because we have no other options, but we should actually invert them. If there is any fear, any problem, or any phobia, I need to rise above it.

The wisdom of Kabbalah says that none of that can disappear; I need to rise above those fears to what is called “fear of the Creator.” I actually do see all the fears, all the problems, all the faults, the emptiness, the helplessness, and everything that develops in me. I see that as I grow over it, beyond it. When the importance of the Creator, the importance of spirituality draws me stronger and becomes more essential to me, then I view all those fears as what is called “help made against him.”

Eli Vinokur: Can you say that to a child? How can this be explained to children?

Michael Laitman: No, no. What I am saying is that we mustn’t suppress the fears. We should only complement them through the society.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: What happens when there are children who aren’t afraid of anything?

Michael Laitman: This is really terrible; it is more of a problem than fear. There are children who seemingly want to dare fate. This is a different and deeper problem that stems from a very high point—which is contrary to fear—our confidence in the Creator. The child is not aware of what is going on here, but he subconsciously says, “I want to feel that You are operating me, let’s see You, and then I throw myself.”

There is such a thing inside of us. For lack of a grasp of the upper force, when I seemingly crave to feel Him, but I can’t, in my frustration, I do what I do and say, “Now You catch me.”

Adva Bar-Yehuda: There is such a thing in psychology. It usually refers to children who later find it difficult to accept social morals.

Michael Laitman: It’s not as if the wisdom of Kabbalah deals with materialistic psychology, although it appreciates it, and Baal HaSulam even writes about it. Let’s hope that in the future we will work together and actually treat the population in such a way that will make all those children complete individuals.

Eli Vinokur: How do you view that cooperation? What tools does psychology bring and what does Kabbalah contribute to it?

Michael Laitman: Kabbalah does not approach individuals; it has no statistics. It doesn’t deal with it; it deals directly with the upper level.

Eli Vinokur: At the root?

Michael Laitman: Yes. Combining what psychology does with people with the broad and genuine basis that Kabbalah can provide—where the forces can be obtained, where the facts can be found, why something must be this way and not another, meaning putting some solid truth into it—would give psychology a great power to approach without errors, and to rise to another level of treatment. Because we already know that we do not destroy the phobias; but what do we do with them and how? In other words, here we must provide precise definitions regarding the approach and the manner of treatment. But the treatment itself is already psychological work.

Eli Vinokur: While you were talking, a question came to my mind. When a child is afraid, once it is in its mother’s arms, it feels completely safe. It’s as if all those fears suddenly dissipate. As soon as Mother approaches he stops being afraid. What is it about it that makes it so?

Michael Laitman: That, too, stems from the upper root, the Upper Mother, from connecting to the Upper One. Here, too, we need to understand that we should show a person and give him a feeling that he can connect to his upper root, to that Mother, and then he will truly feel satisfied that he has no lacks. This is already the other half of Kabbalah, which develops in a person the ability to grasp onto the Upper One. Then, instead of phobias, he feels the opposite—he acquires confidence from above.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: I heard you say that fear develops the person. I admit that I found that very surprising. I searched and did not find it in the literature…

Michael Laitman:You see, there is something to be learned from Kabbalah.

Adva Bar-Yehuda: Could you elaborate on that in a few words? I suppose we don’t have much time left.

Michael Laitman: The issue is not fear itself but how we relate to it. Envy, hatred, lust, honor, adultery, any type of trait we may have inside, the agreeable ones and the and the not so agreeable ones, and the terrible ones, we can manage them correctly and well, since nothing was created purposelessly or to harm us, but so we would manage it properly.

Therefore, if we can manage something as basic as fear, without destroying anything, but by connecting it to a person correctly, we will suddenly see that just as people are, without changing or diminishing anything, we elevate a person over his fear. He becomes as high as the fear. Then, if he rises above it, he begins to see his fear through the now healthy and confident eyes—why he used to be afraid, for what purpose, where it came from, what it gave him, what it is giving me now that I have risen above it, am I lying to myself or not. See what an expanse he opens for himself, what depth he sees in creation and in himself.

That is why the wisdom of Kabbalah says that there is nothing bad, we just need to know how to use it. Therefore, with all the phobias and all the great problems that surface in our generation, we only need to work correctly.

Eli Vinokur: When you say to “rise above,” how should I understand it? I don’t understand what it means to “rise above”?

Michael Laitman: The “Introduction to the Book of Zohar” explains what is “fear,” how many parts are in it, and how we should work with it. It writes there how we should overcome it, what we gain by it, and how a person grows from knowing how to use fears. He doesn’t erase them; he knows how to utilize them properly. He controls them instead of being controlled by them, and then he understands that it really is “help made against him.”

Eli Vinokur: So when a certain fear comes over me, should I immediately try to attribute it to something more important that I have?

Michael Laitman: You begin to rise above it and begin to advance through it. You no longer feel it as fear; it helps you rise above your own matter.

Eli Vinokur: I understand that it came to promote me, not for me to remain in it, but to rise, perhaps to a higher fear?

Michael Laitman: Certainly, yes.

Eli Vinokur: And is that something we can begin to explain to children or is that still too difficult?

Michael Laitman: It’s not a problem. In such matters, children and grownups are the same.

View the original article here

KABBALAH Michael Laitman: Nursing & Primary Attachment

KABBALAH Michael Laitman

Eli Vinokur: In the previous program we discussed childbirth and nursing, but there is a certain core question that interests me regarding the bond between the mother and the baby and perhaps the father as well. Does the mother somehow affect the child’s soul, and is there a special spiritual bond between the mother, the child, and the father?

Michael Laitman: No. Neither the father nor the mother affects the souls because the soul is “a part of God from above” (Job 31:2), if we are talking about the actual soul, not the beastly soul, which is the animate spirit, but about the soul that exists in a person and he needs to develop it in order to recognize God, to discover the Creator, the upper force. Through the soul, we should attain the feeling of a higher world, a more superior reality than our own. This has nothing to do with the father or the mother, or with one’s whole environment. It happens to a person because from the outset, he has this unique spark from the Creator called, “a part of God from Above,” and it begins developing and demands of one to develop.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So is there no connection between a specific soul that arrives and its family?

Michael Laitman: No, there is, but the mother and father are not associated with the spiritual development. They cannot assist or impede the child’s development; it is a totally and distinctly separate development from the corporeal development.

Eli Vinokur: Not even to help? If, for example, they build an environment for the child?

Michael Laitman: We need to understand that we are talking about the development of the soul. In our world, we are like marionettes carrying out orders, which are all intended to facilitate the development of the soul. So the father, the mother, and the child’s corporeality develop solely to bring him to the development of the soul, and from the development of the soul onward we can already talk about the development of the human in him.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: This is exactly where psychology doesn’t touch, it doesn’t know.

Michael Laitman: Yes, because it’s already a different phase, a different level of human development.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Does it connect to the development of the soul within the body?

Michael Laitman: There is the level of development in which we develop in this world as we were born and raised: kindergarten, school, college and so on, the usual growing up of people. In that regard, we are talking about psychology and what it treats. This has nothing to do with the soul.

However, we can learn what happens with our bodies and their development in this world from the wisdom of Kabbalah—from the ways and the stages of the soul’s development. What happens with the spiritual part of a person, how it forms and develops arrives at our world by precisely the same stages as they occur in spirituality, providing us with an exact image of the body’s development and its psychology. Therefore, we can use the wisdom of Kabbalah to learn what happens to us here in the physical body, in its psychology, and in its attitude toward others.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So you are saying that nothing the parents do affects the development of the soul.

Michael Laitman: No, because in this world, it is an animate spirit that a person lives with. With it, he lives his life and ends it.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So why is it so important for parents to behave this way and not another? Why are we discussing how to build a better environment for the child?

Michael Laitman: My point is that we cannot influence spirituality from here. An individual desiring to develop his soul, who is driven to it, is a special person. There are many of them today, studying the wisdom of Kabbalah, reading its books and discovering the soul within them, and how they can develop a soul.

Eli Vinokur: But can we say that if I build the environment for children, it prepares the conditions for them to reveal the soul or that it will be easier for them later?

Michael Laitman: When I came to my teacher I had a seven year-old son. Whatever I learned with my teacher, I would return home after the lessons and read the material along with him. After a few months he remembered everything. Really, what I didn’t remember, he would remember, “Oh, this is written here and that is written there, it says this or it says that.” It gave him a foundation, a special feeling in life, a certain level from which he could not drop.

At age fourteen, he was already on his own in a foreign country, in Canada. There he completed studies on his own, got married on his own, and built everything all by himself. I was not worried for one moment that he might stray.

Eli Vinokur: So it does help.

Michael Laitman: Absolutely! I even urged him to travel to Europe, to travel to Asia, to all sorts of places, so he’d be familiar with the world. He took those trips but he wasn’t very happy about them. In other words, the wisdom of Kabbalah provides such a foundation that foreign societies, foreign environments cannot really tempt him.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: As if compared to that, everything seems tasteless?

Michael Laitman: Yes.

Eli Vinokur: I grew up in this environment from the age of twelve and I can say from experience that there is a distinct feeling that it truly develops a foundation in you. There is a certain limit to how far you can fall, and beyond that, it simply does not interest you. It isn’t that you don’t want to do all those things that many of the young people do these days, but you feel that it’s not it. That foundation is a very powerful thing. Here you have a feeling that if you ever have a question, you know there is a place where there is an answer.

Michael Laitman: And yet, we cannot force a child into spiritual development; there is no coercion in spirituality. Many of our students’ children have no inclination for it, but it safeguards them. It tells them that there is something higher in life, and that keeps them from going downhill.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: You are actually describing a type of vaccine.

Michael Laitman: Yes, exactly, that’s a nice term. I think that with it, we could save the generation.

Eli Vinokur: So, a concluding question: What is the essence of the connection between parents and children?

Michael Laitman: Consider we could give such values to children that they would grow with an awareness that there is something above this world, which could be uncovered and sensed, and which transcends the boundaries of life, that they could feel life as eternal and not as a transient life in the body. Consider that we could also let them know that there is freedom of choice, that they could see and feel great things, have such a perspective of history as if we live through thousands of years to the past or to the future. For a child who grows up with us, these things are simple.

Eli Vinokur: You’re talking about a child in an environment of Kabbalah students.

Michael Laitman: Yes, one who studies with us. They study these things as a whole in connection to the evolution of the universe. This leaves an impression in them. They are left with the impression that the world is large and everything is open, and they feel that they belong to it, that their fate is tied to the fate of the entire world.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: It gives him a very broad perspective.

Michael Laitman: Yes, very much so. He looks for different things. He is like a child who would be drawn to games, but because we expanded his boundaries, he can no longer be so limited.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Wait a minute, but on the issue of a child’s ability to stay in control, we often broaden their horizons very gradually; we don’t expose them to everything all at once. What you are saying sounds very broad and exposed; couldn’t it destabilize them?

Michael Laitman: Among Jews, it has always been customary to start teaching children to read and write from the age of three. They would be taught all sorts of things about the act of creation, the Creator, Adam and Eve, you can find everything in the Bible, Talmud, and the other scriptures.

Besides, if we take an example, say from the Vilna Gaon, Rav Kook, Baal HaSulam, from the Ari, they all said that from the age of six one can begin to study Kabbalah, six year-old children! Some said they should start at the age of nine. And I remember that when I asked Rabash about my son, he said, “Good, bring him over later, I would like to ask him.” I brought my son and he was very pleased.

I’ll tell you why this is so. The wisdom of Kabbalah is built exactly according to the soul. The Kabbalists wrote it out of the development of the soul, out of the most natural development that could be in a person. So when I give a child that wisdom, it is precisely aligned with his soul. Also, the soul is ageless, there is no age to the soul, we have all been through many incarnations. This is why when children receive it, they “drink” it. For them, it’s very natural. We can show you our children, dozens of children, how simply they absorb this information and relate to it as a fact of nature. So we can see from the words of Kabbalists, as well as from our own experience that it‘s a genuine remedy, a vaccine, as you put it.

Eli Vinokur: Well, in the short time we have left, we will continue with the original plan and try to touch on the topic of nursing, okay?

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Yes, we discussed nursing and you recommended nursing for twenty-four months?

Michael Laitman: It’s not a recommendation, it is according to the wisdom of Kabbalah.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: I want to ask about that. Today there is no dispute among psychologists that nursing builds the mother-child attachment seemingly effortlessly, naturally. However, after a year or a little more, when the child exits the mother’s authority and becomes more independent, is nursing still valuable?

Michael Laitman: Particularly here I think he needs to be in touch with the mother.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Why?

Michael Laitman: Because he can seemingly run away from her and begin to distance himself. And particularly here, the need and the permanent attachment that they maintain bonds them for life.

The two years are 24 months in which many very important things take place in terms of spiritual forces. This timeframe has great significance to our soul. And as a result, although we don’t see it in the physical body, there is big harm in that, I’m certain.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: This touches on a stage in psychology, which is called “reapproachment,” when the child moves away from the mother but very quickly returns to refuel. It is how children prepare to separate.

Michael Laitman: Yes.

Eli Vinokur: So it actually promotes development, in that he doesn’t just detach, but detaches correctly.

Michael Laitman: It promotes development; he knows he has a home, yes.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: In the modern world, we tend to push the child out to independence, and according to what you are saying, perhaps it is a bit early, perhaps children need the option of reattachment until the age of two.

Michael Laitman: The modern world doesn’t change nature. Having a few more toys like cell phones and being immersed in our day-to-day problems doesn’t change the fact that underneath we’re still the same. Putting them in nurseries or daycare centers is truly an injustice. They don’t need that. Until the age of two they don’t even realize there are other children.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: But many families financially cannot afford to stay home with the baby.

Michael Laitman: I understand that, but it’s wrong to the child. According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, a child must not be detached from the mother until the age of two.

Eli Vinokur: What added value does the child get during those two years?

Michael Laitman: He acquires internal communication with her. We do not understand that; we think they are only nursing. But during those twenty-four months they acquire those discernments, that corporeal and spiritual message that he did not receive in the womb.

When a child is born, blood from the womb that should have come to the fetus stops and rises to the breast, where it becomes milk. There the baby suckles it, and the milk turns back into blood within him, and from that he grows. In other words, it is the same uterine blood. We need to understand that the baby just emerged, but the bond is almost the same as when it was inside; we’re just unaware of that.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So what about women who can’t nurse? Can another woman nurse instead of her?

Michael Laitman: Yes, we have numerous examples of that from the past.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: If everything is so synchronized, why are there many times when women have too much or too little milk?

Michael Laitman: If we turn to the days when the Temple existed, when nursing was the norm, so first of all, menstruation was on the first of the lunar month.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Of all the women?

Michael Laitman: Of all the women at once.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Wow, what a bond with nature.

Michael Laitman: Yes, it is written. This is how it should be according to nature, it is renewal. Likewise, in the 24 months of nursing, everything truly ticked like clockwork. There were mishaps, it wasn’t perfect, but still, it was truly according to nature.

View the original article here

KABBALAH Michael Laitman-Childbirth

 

KABBALAH Michael Laitman

Limor Soffer-Fetman: In the previous program, we discussed Kabbalah’s perception of fetal development inside the womb. You described the perspective of Kabbalah on the great perceptual ability of the fetus, the bond developing between it and the mother, through which it actually develops a bond with the surroundings, even when it is in the womb. Today, we would like to touch on the topic of childbirth.

Perhaps we should begin with the issue of contractions. Is there a particular, spiritual significance to contractions?

Michael Laitman: First, I’d like to complete one more sentence regarding the fetus’ connection with the surroundings through the mother. It is not just the surroundings, because afterward, through all his years of growing up he eventually comes to a situation, willingly or unwillingly, where he sees life through his mother’s and father’s eyes. In the end, he adopts his mother’s perception of the world and acquires his parents’ values after all. One cannot rid oneself of them. Afterward, the surroundings, the friends, and perhaps other things do impact us, but it is still mounted on that initial background.

Now, regarding contractions, the mother develops contractions, as if she wants to expel the fetus, but she wants to expel it on the condition that it is prepared for the outside world. That is, it excretes certain substances and hormones and is not simply positioned head down toward the cervix, pressing to get out. In Kabbalistic terms, there is a lot to it, the fetus truly wishes to exit the mother; it neither wants nor is capable of receiving its provisions through her anymore.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Despite that amazing place called the womb?

Michael Laitman: At that point, it has become hostile and he must emerge from it. It is written that the host sends out the guest. The mother, being the host, actually pushes the child and sends him out. It is written that the doors open, two doors, and there are Tzirim [in Hebrew, Tzirim means both labor contractions and door hinges].

It is written (Daniel, 10:16), “My pains [also hinges in Hebrew] have turned on me.” These are the contractions. It is not pressure, but the womb opening and expelling. In other words, all of a sudden we find here opposite forces to what existed before, because to the extent that the womb was guarding the fetus and caring for it, keeping it inside, now it has become hostile toward it and must expel it. This is the first time we see that the force of love of the superior, the mother, toward the lower one seems to be reversed.

By that, the fetus acquires the strength to overcome. By expelling it, the mother provides it with the strength to overcome, and now he is capable of coping with being outside, precisely because he senses this push, when her force of love appears as pressure, seemingly hostile. By that, she establishes in it another “line” of approach, which seems to be a negative line, though the negative is still to its benefit.

The mother is also under immense forces and great pressures. It is written in The Zohar that the snake bites her in the womb, and then she gives birth. In fact, it is the addition of the evil, addition of our ego, precisely in that action of spiritual birth. Likewise, the child acquires an addition to his ego, and this is why he can be outside and cope.

Also, the child acquires the contractions and the attitude of the mother, her overcoming. This gives him a great addition of strength that makes him ready to exist outside.

Then the open channel [umbilical cord] closes and the closed channel [mouth] opens. The naval is also considered a mouth, the mouth of the fetus, and the regular mouth is the mouth of a child. That is, there are several places in our body where a connection between bodies are made, between the upper and lower. By that, they transfer fulfillment from one to the other. This is done through the mouth, through the umbilical cord, through the breasts. At that time, the fetus moves from the place called NeHY, between the mother’s legs, to her chest. It is considered that it ascended in degree.

In nursing, the child begins to bond with the chest, and the chest is another degree of bonding altogether, where blood turns into milk. In fact, it is the same blood, but because it ascended a degree from NeHY to HaGaT, meaning from a lesser degree to a greater degree, it acquired a totally different manner—of milk—but in the baby, that milk turns back into blood.

It is a very special system, the way the mother’s blood turns into milk, and back into blood once it is in the baby. According to Kabbalah, a child should be in that system of nursing for two years, until the age of two.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Despite the development of teeth?

Michael Laitman: Yes.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: And the ability to walk and run, and to disappear?

Michael Laitman: Even so. From this we can draw several conclusions regarding childbirth, such as that natural childbirth is far more favorable than a Caesarean. We know that it’s very healthy for both the mother and the fetus, although it is an almost tragic situation for both.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Painful.

Michael Laitman: Not only painful; it can be dangerous. When I was a student, I was present in a delivery room and I feel how much it affected me. I was 19, and suddenly I found myself in the delivery room, and there were all kinds of cases, I actually had a bit of a trauma seeing it. Nevertheless, it is extremely important for the body and the health of both of them, and they must go through it.

Eli Vinokur: What happens during this process?

Michael Laitman: I don’t know how to explain it in terms that we will understand, but it is the perception of another level. We can put it this way: a child who was not born naturally, but in a Caesarean section, it is as if in a sense, he hasn’t been born; he didn’t go through this process. And the mother, too, seemingly did not give birth; she didn’t rid herself of the fetus, didn’t pressure it and didn’t expel it. In other words, it is as though they are still in some type of faulty bond. It is too internal, and it interferes with the child’s development, as if continuing the mother’s attitude toward him.

There are actually a lot of writings about birth in Kabbalah, but they all speak in the language of Kabbalah and it’s very hard to “translate” it from the language of Kabbalah to the physiological or medical language. I have never done that, so there is a problem making the parallels, although it is possible. I once held talks with an expert in gynecology, but when I began to explain to him the whole process of the three days of fusion of the semen, the forty days of creating the offspring, and other similar issues, I saw that they still don’t know about it.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: That means that it is knowledge that hasn’t even been discovered.

Michael Laitman: Yes. You see, what happens at the level of the souls is at a much higher and subtler degree than what we find in physical bodies. Although it cascades from the souls and exists in the body, once in the corporeal world, it loses many subtleties, and many discernments are lost along the way. This is why we don’t need them so much.

Eli Vinokur: I would like to ask about Caesareans. Statistically, about a third of the women give birth through Caesarean section. What can mothers do in order to make that bond properly?

Michael Laitman: I don’t think the percentages should be that high. Although surely, the medical advancement is to our advantage, but we shouldn’t overuse it.

Eli Vinokur: Is there anything the mother can do afterwards?

Michael Laitman: No, no. The child somehow compensates for it later, but it is very hard. What the child did not receive at birth, he will not receive. That transition did not occur naturally. There is a reason why nature demands natural childbirth.

Eli Vinokur: Is there a reason why mothers avoid natural childbirth these days?

Michael Laitman: As a result of our general corruption, we don’t want childbirth. We don’t want natural childbirth and we don’t want to suffer. We want everything to go smoothly. If it could be done in an incubator, perhaps many people would do it. In a few more years who knows what will happen. Perhaps we will have some surrogate machine and that is what we’ll do. But it will really be deficient in us. According to the soul, any childbirth other than natural one is considered an accident.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: When a child is born, should he be separated immediately after birth, because there are all sorts of approaches to that question?

Michael Laitman: He must immediately sense the mother. Other than the hands assisting to take him out and fix him up, he must feel the mother immediately, to smell her, as quickly as possible. He should be cleaned up a little, washed, but perhaps he should be given contact with the mother even before that. He must have it. After all, it is the animate degree.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Is there any reference to whether or not the child should sleep with the mother?

Michael Laitman: I recommend very simply to look at animals. Why don’t we learn from the animals? How are we different in that? In our bodies, we are at the animate degree.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: True.

Michael Laitman: So? In what are humans different? In nothing. It is best to take them as an example and this will be exactly right, according to nature. Therefore, of course a child should be near his mother, and she shouldn’t sleep next to her husband right away. That was never customary in human history in any of the cultures. The baby should be right next to her. Until the age of two, the baby needs to sense only the mother, and maybe her assistants.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: What about the father? What is the father’s role in the beginning?

Michael Laitman: It is only through the mother. He doesn’t impact the baby. Just as during the pregnancy, after birth he doesn’t have any connection with the baby, but only through his mother. Perhaps he is near her, but there is no contact.

Eli Vinokur: Is a man’s support significant during childbirth, in the delivery room?

Michael Laitman: No, Kabbalah doesn’t even think about that. We also know that there were always midwives next to her. A man would never come near it.

Eli Vinokur: When you look at a baby growing, the pace of changes, of development is breathtaking. Is there a spiritual root specifically for these early years?

Michael Laitman: Certainly. The more we grow, the slower the changes, until we revert to regression. So of course in the first year you can see changes every several weeks, even every several days. We also want to see these changes. Afterward, a slight change occurs once a week. Around the age of one to two years old, changes happen once a month. This is natural.

But we also see it in all of those degrees of Ibur, Yenika, and Mochin [conception, nursing, adulthood respectively]. If the first period was nine months, the second period is two years, then until the age of six, nine, twelve, thirteen, twenty, seventy, and one hundred and twenty. In other words, those are already longer periods.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Are you describing periods as stages of development?

Michael Laitman: As stages of development or aging. In Kabbalah, it is all development. In our physical lives we decline, but in Kabbalah we constantly advance.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Yes, may I ask a non-believer’s question?

Michael Laitman: Yes. There is no such thing in Kabbalah. Everything is subject to scrutiny. It is a science.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: When psychologists divide into age groups, they do it based on data gathered through observations and research. When you say that Kabbalah divides into age group, what proof, what tests does it rely on?

Michael Laitman: On the fact that Kabbalists experience it themselves. When you enter the spiritual world, you go through the first stage, called “conception.” You enter what is called “the upper Ima [Mother,” a kind of superior which you permeate and stay there as an embryo. And the way we develop are like a fetus in its mother’s womb for nine months. These are not nine physical months, but nine discernments that are called Hidushim [months], from the word Hadashim [“new” or “innovations”], meaning new discernments. The word Hodesh [month] comes from the word Hadash [new]. I see how I am being renewed.

Nine months represent nine Sefirot, and when the last Sefira arrives, Malchut, it is forbidden to be in Malchut, and this is why we are born. In spirituality, you go through these stages very clearly. I could be a man of 40, 50, or even 60 years of age undergoing the phases of spiritual conception and birth as a fetus, as a spiritual infant, and continue to develop.

The two years of nursing mean that now I nullify myself. It is not like the way I nullified myself before toward the upper Ima to be within her. Now I nullify the upper one in order to receive from it from the outside. In part of my spiritual life, I am independent and I grow slightly more independent with each phase. I also become more familiar with the surroundings, with my upper one, and this is how I grow. So a Kabbalist who goes through these stages examines them, records them on himself as though he is conducting a real experiment.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: So all those elaborate details are out of personal experience?

Michael Laitman: Out of the personal experience that he goes through. This is why they know it down to the smallest detail, and this is why they can write a thousand-page book about the nine months of conception.

Eli Vinokur: It actually seems that perhaps compared to psychology, where people didn’t actually go through the process themselves, observe and contemplate it, here it is very accurate.

Michael Laitman: It is not that I disagree with what they are doing; I actually respect their work. But perhaps if they took into account what the Kabbalists do according to the soul, they would have a certain approach, a direction of research, where to look. They would already know, “Here we should see this result, that phenomenon”; it would be easier for them.

Limor Soffer-Fetman: Fascinating. May I say one last sentence? I think it creates an amazing process between the man and the woman, the fact that a man can understand himself so well at such levels.

Eli Vinokur: If he studies Kabbalah...

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